Posts Tagged pwned

Steve Phillips: Worst Personnel Evaluator Ever?

A forbidden love

A forbidden love

For anyone that has been living under a rock for the last several days (Or like me, have been cliff diving in Malta with a group of 19 year old models), noted ESPN R-Tard Steve Phillips has landed himself in a dilly of a pickle.  His affair with 22 year old production assistant Brooke Hundley has become public knowledge, and he has been suspended by ESPN.  The powerball, of course, is that the mistress looks like Tom Sizemore’s son.  The official Vato Loco stance on the issue? AWESOME!!!!   <plays air guitar for 10 minutes>

Ahead of all of my other allegiances (Miami Dolphins, Florida Gators, Bohemian Club ), I am a die hard Atlanta Braves fan.  As such, I absolutely adore Steve Phillips for the work he did neutering the Mets in the early 2000’s.  No one has displayed a more consistent capacity to be terrible at their job then Steve Phillips.  But people keep giving him new jobs! This is why I love America, people.  For example, after my (most recent) SEC Probe one might assume I would never helm another publicly traded company.  And now look at me? I’m lighting my cigars with $1,000 dollar bills!

 

Pew - Pew - Pew!

Pew - Pew - Pew!

Ahem, I believe we were talking about Steve Phillips.  Allegations of infidelity are hardly new in Stevie Boy’s world.  Homeboy apparently has been following his shlong around like a divining rod for some time.  This particular conquest is the most impressive though.  Seriously, check out this FABULOUS gallery at the New York Post.  The Speakerboxx(x) said it best: “I regularly turn down chicks who look like this on the tail end of 20 RBV’s”.  

Just another bad scouting job from Steve Phillips

Just another bad scouting job from Steve Phillips

As if this story wasn’t face meltingly awesome enough, she decided to go all fatal attraction on him when he broke it off after the 3rd encounter (ED: WHOAAAAH slow this gravy train down.  Three encounters?  I am willing to accept a mea culpa on 1 drunken hogging expedition, nobodies perfect, but 3 times?).   

In the interest of fairness, as an outside observer I cannot accurately assign blame here.  She could be husky homewrecker, or Steve could have used and manipulated this young girl until she reached her breaking point.   That said, her behavior was impressively crazy even by the already generous “Chick –Crazy” standards.  A quick ad hoc power rankings of her crazy maneuvers:

3rd runner up: Frantically calling Steve’s wife to say that “They both can’t have him”

2nd runner up: Smashing into a stone column while speeding away from the Phillips home

1st runner up: Posing as a high school classmate of Steve Phillips son, then befriending him on Facebook.   Then proceeded to say that she had heard rumors that his dad was having an affair with someone at work and may be in love with her

WINNER: Hiring some random chick off of craigslist to call Steve’s wife with a prepared script outlining the infidelities!

God this story is just the best.  If it had a couple more explosions and maybe a really cute puppy it would be my favorite thing ever.   In closing, Brooke Hundley has contacted me and asks to send this special video out to her Stevie-Bear.  Ahhh, young love.

Tags: , , ,

Soccer even more ridiculous than previously believed

Soccer…the sport that invented Tom Brady-esque flopping, soccer hooligans, and implementing beach balls as a valid part of the game.  Yes, it actually is as ridiculous as it sounds.  Yesterday in a Premier League match between Sunderland and Liverpool, the game’s only goal was scored with an assist from a beach ball. I can’t really think of an equivalent that could happen in American sports, other than Bron Bron maybe needing to use a beach ball to block a Dwight Howard dunk.

Here is a replay of the goal that essentially put a nail in Liverpool’s coffin for the rest of the season. In other words, Liverpool = pwned by beach ball.

EDIT: I would absolutely love to provide you with a working video, but THE MAN keeps yanking any video that shows the replay of the kick. Clearly, the Premiership is trying to cover their ass for allowing a goal that never should have been allowed.

Tags: , , ,

Epic Fail

pwnd.

Fellows, what have we learned here?

1) Never get married.
2) If you must enter in to a legal contract that entitles another person to half your ends, don’t propose that shit in a fucking baseball stadium.

Tags: , ,

Golfer Pwned by Alligator

 

 

 

South Carolina Golfer gets arm bitten off by alligator.   That will definately add to his handicap… hiiyooooo!!!

UPDATE: This is a solid performance by the alligator, but the Shark-Biting Dog retains the title as most pwning-est of TYSOTB animals for the foreseeable future.

Tags: ,