For anyone that has been living under a rock for the last several days (Or like me, have been cliff diving in Malta with a group of 19 year old models), noted ESPN R-Tard Steve Phillips has landed himself in a dilly of a pickle. His affair with 22 year old production assistant Brooke Hundley has become public knowledge, and he has been suspended by ESPN. The powerball, of course, is that the mistress looks like Tom Sizemore’s son. The official Vato Loco stance on the issue? AWESOME!!!! <plays air guitar for 10 minutes>
Ahead of all of my other allegiances (Miami Dolphins, Florida Gators, Bohemian Club ), I am a die hard Atlanta Braves fan. As such, I absolutely adore Steve Phillips for the work he did neutering the Mets in the early 2000’s. No one has displayed a more consistent capacity to be terrible at their job then Steve Phillips. But people keep giving him new jobs! This is why I love America, people. For example, after my (most recent) SEC Probe one might assume I would never helm another publicly traded company. And now look at me? I’m lighting my cigars with $1,000 dollar bills!
Ahem, I believe we were talking about Steve Phillips. Allegations of infidelity are hardly new in Stevie Boy’s world. Homeboy apparently has been following his shlong around like a divining rod for some time. This particular conquest is the most impressive though. Seriously, check out this FABULOUS gallery at the New York Post. The Speakerboxx(x) said it best: “I regularly turn down chicks who look like this on the tail end of 20 RBV’s”.
As if this story wasn’t face meltingly awesome enough, she decided to go all fatal attraction on him when he broke it off after the 3rd encounter (ED: WHOAAAAH slow this gravy train down. Three encounters? I am willing to accept a mea culpa on 1 drunken hogging expedition, nobodies perfect, but 3 times?).
In the interest of fairness, as an outside observer I cannot accurately assign blame here. She could be husky homewrecker, or Steve could have used and manipulated this young girl until she reached her breaking point. That said, her behavior was impressively crazy even by the already generous “Chick –Crazy” standards. A quick ad hoc power rankings of her crazy maneuvers:
3rd runner up: Frantically calling Steve’s wife to say that “They both can’t have him”
2nd runner up: Smashing into a stone column while speeding away from the Phillips home
1st runner up: Posing as a high school classmate of Steve Phillips son, then befriending him on Facebook. Then proceeded to say that she had heard rumors that his dad was having an affair with someone at work and may be in love with her
WINNER: Hiring some random chick off of craigslist to call Steve’s wife with a prepared script outlining the infidelities!
God this story is just the best. If it had a couple more explosions and maybe a really cute puppy it would be my favorite thing ever. In closing, Brooke Hundley has contacted me and asks to send this special video out to her Stevie-Bear. Ahhh, young love.