My Cat's Breath Smells Like Cat Food

In troubling times such as these, it is good to know that one of our nation’s most revered publications is turning a critical eye to the important issues of the day.   The Wall Street Journal has spent the last 6 years and $212M* funding the research of their cultural paradigm shifting piece “NFL Players sometimes say a joke school instead of their alma mater on Sunday Night Football”.   Surely there is an untold story of legendary reporting fieldwork, political skullduggery, and vast intrigue associated with this project.  I can see an “All The Kings Men” type thriller coming out of this in a couple of years.

But seriously.  The WSJ Team Of Trained Monkeys department concluded that of the 549 player introductions this year, 5% fall into the “Joke/Commentary” category.    Somebody get the Nobel Prize ready for these guys.

While we are on the subject, I want to go on record as being TOTALLY in favor of the joke answer to this question.   If I make it to the pros soon, I won’t be wearing a monocle and an ascot talking about “(super white monotone voice) Harvard Undergrad, Harvard MBA sir.”  Hell naw.  I’ll be all “SWAGGER U” and then drop mad U’s on America.   I don’t care how handsome and privileged I am (and it is a lot), America wants to be ENTERTAINED, SON!

I also don’t care how tired people get of players answering “The U”.  I think it is awesome damnit.  Go watch the 30 for 30 “The U” documentary and then tell me they don’t get to introduce themselves a unique way.

Undergrad The U, MBA from Swaggin' University

*These just aren’t real numbers at all

Tags: , ,