Throughout the course of sports history we have been privy to not only some terrific achievements, but we have also been witness to some excruciatingly horrific displays of talent: the ’76 Buccaneers, the ’72 76ers, and the Mets pretty much every year. Enter: the 2009-2010 New Jersey Nets. At the time of this writing, the Nets are a dismal 4-48, and look to be on pace to post the worst record in NBA history. And what is the best strategy to curb the downward spiral and expect future success?
To invest in failed strategies of course.
Over the past week not one, but two college coaches have been mentioned as being candidates for the Nets job next year. Apparently the incredibly high amount of prestige and status that is associated with being the coach of the NJ Nets has intimidated the number of lesser qualified coaches like Avery Johnson, and has left a former NBA failure and a Pollock as the two best possible options. Sure, Coach K may have won a gold medal with Team USA, but my 10 year old nephew could have coached that team to a gold medal.
If you need a brief history of college coaches and their success in the NBA, here it is: they suck. In the past thirty years, three NCAA coaches have successfully made the jump: Greg Popovich, Chuck Daly, and Bill Fitch. Some of the failures? John Calipari, Rick Pitino, Jerry Tarkanian, and of course Roy Rubin – who was fired from the aforementioned worst NBA team ever after posting a 4-47 record. All of these coaches were/are monsters in the college game but have failed to make the transition into the league, much the same way that NCAA football coaches fail in the NFL.
And to make matters more interesting? The Nets have been sold to some random Russian billionaire. Do they even have basketball in Russia? I’m just assuming he Googled “American Basketball Coaches” and clicked on Coach Krzkeskwiskeiiay because he has the most foreign spelled name in history. Or maybe Russians like Pollocks, there is no telling.
Good luck next year Nets. I bet you’ll wish Jay-Z really was the owner.
In case you forgot, or simply don’t pay attention to the NBA, this weekend not only starts the Winter Olympics (I just found that out myself) but it also begins NBA All Star weekend 2010. The festivities start tonight with the celebrity game at 7pm, and end with the All Star game at 8pm on the 14th. What better way to spend Valentine’s day than by watching grown ass men refuse to play defense against each other?
Anyways, here are some highlight about this weekend:
- First and foremost, LeBron James being a bitch. For the nth straight year, LeBron has refused to participate in the dunk contest. Those of us who kept tabs during last year’s All Star weekend, LeBron James stated during the dunk contest that he would participate in the 2010 contest. Oh wait, it’s 2010 this year. Sure, he may be considered one of the best players ever, but all of the all time greats have won dunk contests: Kobe, Jordan, and Brent Berry. But instead of participating in the contest, how does he make up for it? By being a judge of course. Because we all know that judging dunks takes a high degree of wiling out to study and prepare for.
- The All Star Rosters. Fortunately for “injuries,” this issue has already been remedied a little bit. But the answer to the question in the picture above? How the fuck does Allen Iverson get nominated as a STARTER in the All Star game? This year, more than ever, proves that NBA fans are complete and utter idiots and should have no say whatsoever in who participates in the All Star game. Sure, the weekend is for the fans, but I can give you a list of 10 other guards that should have been nominated in his place. Don’t even get me started on the Boston forward bias, with someone like Josh Smith being left out. Chauncey Billups as a forward in the West? Do you people even know the positions on the court? In short, this voting system needs to change. Either that, or I next year I will invest millions of dollars into getting the players of the aNd 1 MiX TaPe TouR nominated to All Star teams through massive write in voting fraud. Don’t tempt me
Despite the roster controversy, and the lack of dunk talent, enjoy the All Star Weekend. Or join me in New Orleans to get hammered instead, whichever sounds more fun to you.