The RHMWAFFIPW is awarded to that individual who in the prior week has acted most in accordance to the highest standards of not being Tom Brady. This can be described as excellence in badassery, not skirt wearing and by extension successful pants-wearingship. The winner will receive the prestigious Dockers Trophy. Find a list of previous winners here.
This past week had quite a bit of pants wearing by a variety of players, and it was definitely a tight race to nominate the top three. Some names that were left off the list include the ball of lightning know as Chris Johnson, and the star of the “20 Year Old Football Playing Virgin” Tim Tebow, who put forth a dominating performance against the Seminoles. It was a tough call, but the top three are all worthy of the high praise, and the production staff meeting regarding this debacle was definitely a heated one.
With that being said, let’s get on to it.
Second Runner Up: Matt Leinart
Man, I don’t know what you think, but work sucks. There’s nothing worse than having to roll out of bed at 11 am in the morning, have a Swedish model make me pancakes, and then have to go into the office and play Bejeweled all day. But, apparently these Fortune 500 companies can’t run themselves, so somebody has to.
I make this point to highlight a feat of epic pants wearing over this past week: the fact that Matt Leinart had to work. By all accounts, before Kurt Warner got hurt, Matt Leinart simply had the best job in America. And by America I mean the world. Up until a couple of weeks ago, Leinart’s job consisted of waking up around noon, banging 5-10 hot ASU girls, reading a couple of plays from a playbook, sleeping through a QB meeting, eating about 4,000 calories worth of Kobe beef, then just getting completely hammered and railing a completely different set of 10 hot ASU bitches. Rinse and repeat. Now that Warner is out, Leinart has to do shit like go to practice (Practice?!?!?! We talkin bout practice!?!?!?!?), stay awake during meetings, learn a playbook, and then spend 60 minutes on Sunday being chased by 11 guys that would make Adebisi their bitch. Needless to say, that sucks. Matt Leinart, we salute you.
First Runner Up: Vince Young
Six week agos, I would have been at the front of a long line of people trying to tell you that Vince Young sucks. I laughed at the idea that he thought he could be a starting QB in the NFL again, especially we he tried to argued that he was better than a 13-3 Kerry Collins last year. Now I will simply be another in a long line of individuals who, at least temporarily, have been proven wrong (first time in my life).
Last week, with about a minute left on the clock, Vince Young drove 99 yards down the field to win the game. This is the same Vince Young that broke down crying like a baby less than two years ago because fans were booing him. What makes this drive even that much more impressive is that Vince Young had to convert it on 4th down several times with the game on the line, and then earned the victory on a passing attempt with the last play. Prior to this game, there is no coach in NFL history (except maybe Dave Wannstadt) who would be stupid enough to put the ball in Vince’s hands with the game on the line. But Jeff Fisher took that risk, and it paid off. Now that Vince is turning into a decent NFL QB, he may be able to get a raise so he can make it rain even more at those gay clubs of which he is so fond.
Winner: The Golden Gopher
I think that video simply speaks for itself. If there was ever an instance of “keeping it real” it would have to be that play right there. Let me lay it out for you: kids being coddled and allowed to win is a bunch of bullshit. The problem with society today is that everyone wants to hold a kids hand, tell them they are a unique and special snowflake, and that winning doesn’t matter. This mascot just gave those kids a valuable life lesson: life ain’t easy. He gave them the best parenting lesson they’ve likely had in their junior careers, and made them better kids for it. Like my man DMX says “To live is to suffer, and to survive, well that’s to find the meaning in the suffering.” Those kids will find meaning in that stiff arm, and maybe someday they will be able to stiff arm a T-Rex just like their favorite football player.
Mad props to the Golden Gopher for keeping it real.