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Posts Tagged Lane kiffin

Lane Kiffin Bags a 13 Year Old

Feb 4

Posted by Vato Loco in NCAA | 4 Comments

Lane Kiffin is the gift to the blogging world that keeps on giving.  Fresh off an impressive National Signing Day showing, Lane is showing off some of the talents he picked up during his 3 weeks at Tennessee: gettin’ em while they are young.  Today Lane and the USC recruiting machine locked down a 13 year old.

Loathe am I to take anything out of context, but I think this quote from the young gentleman in question paints the picture pretty well:

“I’m very excited, but I was very, very nervous,” Sills said in the News Journal report. “It was very cool, but my heart was beating so fast and I was scared. But after it was over, I was so excited and pumped.”

Yeah, that quote happened.  I thought they didn’t usually release the names for this kind of thing.  Kudos to him for having the strength to confront this; it is the first step in the healing process.

Seeing as how one of Lane’s go to maneuvers is the hostess gambit, I like to wildly speculate know for sure that was employed.   Now that he is out in southern California, he has probably recruited some kind of Cyrus sister to go pass this kid notes in home room.  When reached for comment, Roman Polanski and Michael Jackson’s corpse approved.

Ed Orgeron was definitely prominently involved in this.  I like to imagine him pulling his shirt off routine in a junior high gymnasium.  Say what you will about Lane and Ed, but dem’ boys can recruit.

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Tennessee Makes Big Moves on National Signing Day

Feb 3

Posted by Vato Loco in SEC Football | 1 Comment

(AP) The fate of the Volunteers Football recruiting class was in jeopardy, as Lane Kiffin’s abrupt departure and the subsequent decommital of many prospects left them scrambling to rebuild.  But they have added the final pieces to the puzzle on National Signing Day, inking three chartruse-chip recruits at the buzzer to round out the class.  

Chester “The Spreadsheet” Wilkonson (Athlete, Rivals.com top 10^46) is the big prize, with UT edging out West Appalachian PolyTechnic Online’s powerhouse Audio/Visual department in a lengthy recruitment battle.  Gerald Smithpockle (Level 18 Dark Wizard) is a top LARP’ing prospect out of england, and his +4 speed gauntlets make him a homerun threat on any play.    Finally Randolph Skortz is a junior transfer coming out of Hot Topic.  Question marks surrounding his off the field activities dropped him out of the Rivals Top 3,032,500; but he is a workout warrior who posted a 7.8 in the 40 as a freshman.

ESPN and Rivals.com have responded to these big additions, and have elevated Tennessee’s class rank ahead of the Kent State Delta Delta Delta Intramural B team.

When reached for comment, Lane Kiffin added “What was that? Tennessee? Sounds familiar, but I can’t quite place it”.  He then proceeded to throw a pile of 1,000 dollar bills into his fire place in lieu of cordwood.

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Department of Mischief & Disinformation: Kiffin, Bills fans to be pooped on

Jan 21

Posted by Vato Loco in Department of Mischief and Disinformation | 2 Comments

Cat pooping on lane kiffin and bills fan

Vols Proposition to Rename Sewage Facility After Kiffin:  Lane Kiffin is the gift that keeps on giving.  I was devestated his crazy ass left the SEC, but awesome Lane Kiffin stories continue to emerge.  In the last two weeks he has been tied to a (drunken?) car wreck, potential extra marital affairs, and rampant speculation of suspected buggery (by me, right now).

Now, a Tenneesee attorney has filed paperwork to rename the local waste treatment plant to the “Lane Kiffin Sewage Center”.   Now I am not one for knee jerk, over the top reactions but th- wait yes I am.  This is awesome.  Rock on crazy Tenneesee attorney people.

Bills Hire Chan Gailey to Actually Be Around a Football Team:  I’m not going to pile on with this one, as much as I (really really really) hate the bills, this is a real nutpunch.  But the above Bills kid flicking people off picture reminds me of an anecdote that says everything you need to know about Bufallo.

I went to a Bill’s game a couple of years back with dashing commentor Stylez G Lube.  I saw some things you just can’t unsee… fat men shirtless in 10 degree weather, people walking around burning fish on spikes, grown men covered in ketchup.  But the defining moment was this 6 year old asian girl who saw me wearing my (one of the 2 or 3 in the whole goddamned stadium) Dolphins jersey.  She rolled up on me and tore me a new one for a good ten minutes while Stylez tried not to have a laughter aneurysm.   God I hated that little girl.

My plan is to wait about 12 years until she is of age, find her and use my charm and impossible good looks to win her heart.   I will propose marriage after our whirlwind romance, and suggest a lavish wedding (which her parents will pay for).  Then I am going to stand her up at the alter, and deliver the news by having a messanger wearing a Zach Thomas jersey deliver a note revealing my identity and oh by the way I hate you.

Stupid Horse that died forever ago has a brother who does shit: I guess Barbaro has a brother and he races too.  That sentence took me 3 hours to write because everytime I even think the word Barbaro I slip into a boredom induced coma.    Just when I think this world has a little hope I find out some asshat has been sitting following some goddamn horses brother to see if he does something for 5 years.

Brett Favre Plays with Boys, Balls: It isn’t slander when it’s context, right?  Anyways, some writer breathlessly recounts how Brett Favre spends his offseason practicing with a local high school team.   Peter King just finished reading this and needs a cigarette.

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