Posts Tagged Is there some kind of big sports thing happening in Canada right now?

What do you know about the Olympics? Well,I’ve seen it on television of course. Television? NBC. Their coverage is excellent. You’d be surprised at what you can pick up.

You know…I didn’t really notice it until Vato said something in passing about it a few days ago, but yeah, NBC should definitely consider including some Olympic coverage in its Olympic coverage the next time around. They will routinely get on air and run puff piece after puff piece for an hour or so until the event starts. And then Rick Reilly will say something incoherent. I know they’re trying to generate interest in casual fans, but I don’t think they realize that only people that already have an interest in the event are going to tune in anyway.

And Christ is it really necessary to include 20 hours of curling coverage per day on two or three channels, occasionally simultaneously? I think NBC took this kind of nerd-chic ironic interest in getting into curling as the sport actually having a huge following. I mean, it’s not like I’m really concerned with the Biathlon opportunity cost, but come on. Anyway, all of this is kind of nit picking because the Winter Olympics is really only relevant as an awesome hockey tournament, with a couple peripheral events like figure skating and maybe skiing and snowboarding.

And while I’m on the subject, the rest of the media/blogosphere is correct that the decision to show some of the big events on a delay was stupid. That is all.

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Olympics: Women’s Hockey Recap

Ok ok calm down my inbox has hundreds of requests for a women’s hockey update but I was busy sleeping in until 2. But we’re back now with the authoritative analysis of the early round of group matches. First, in the big news of the tournament, the soulless Canadians trounced the hapless Slovakians 18-0. Now, alot of people will tell you that you shouldn’t feel bad for Slovakia cause they’re the ones that beat the shit out of Bulgaria 82-0 in a qualifying match a couple of years ago. But the Bulgarians deserved it cause look at this performance. Anybody this lazy should have their dignity stripped immediately and fuck a Bulgaria in general.

In stark contrast to the baby seal clubbers north of the border, the US Women’s National Team, inarguably the greatest collection of chick hockey talent ever assembled, beat China 12-1, deftly demonstrating their mastery of the sport, while allowing the adorable little Chinese team to retain a sense of worth as human beings. That’s the U, baby. S-A.

In other Olympic news, the USA leads the medal count 5-3 over France (is that still a country?). And Apollo Ohno, the only athlete the liberal media marketing machine tried to sell me on for a whole year, won a sliver in something. Way to live up to the hype, champ.

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Journalists report the news, offend delicate American sensibilities

So if you haven’t heard, there’s some sort of Olympics going on, and a luger died in a training run. Now, apparently the whole internets is breaking after the major news networks ran video footage of the crash. This righteous indignation from freelance writer Kim Hartman is, i suspect, indicative of the collective hissy fit that’s going down on Twitter and the networks’ websites right now.

“I hope that young man’s family and friends and countrymen and women and children survive the trauma that you chose to expose them to. You have ruined my games by embedding that image into my mind as the first thing I will recall and perhaps the only thing I will recall that occurred in Vancouver at the 2010 Olympic Games.”

If I may invoke the spirit of the warrior-poet Malevolent Marvin Shabazz, shut your fat Pavarotti lookin ass up. FUUUUUCK YOU FUUUUUUCK YOU. The guy was from Georgia, you know, the country that just got invaded by Russia. I think his countrymen can handle the trauma of a fifteen second clip on an American news network.

And just for the people that are disgusted by this type of thing, and also for convenience, here is a video of a guy dying while lugeing. And for those of you that like a warning about these sorts of things, don’t worry it’s not that bad. It’s basically just like watching a bunch of puppies play fighting, and not at all like a guy hitting a steel pole at 90 mph. The cuteness really gets started around the 1:15 mark.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

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Big Week in International Sports

So this week marks the opening of one of the biggest events in international sports. It’s the competition that athletes dedicate their lives to training for, and the one that makes national heroes out of previously unknown men and women. It’s so influential that countries have traditionally ceased fighting each other for the duration of the games, and proponents argue that it will even provide a massive economic boon for its North American hosts. That’s right, the Vegas Jam of the World Footbag Association opens this Friday. Footbag. Yeah, some kind of bag.

My Dick Wants to Laugh

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Dog Shows Don’t Suck

Fine-ass Bitch

So I’m sitting around watching some AKC dog show because I absolutely cannot be bothered to watch any Olympics right now. And it turns out dog shows are awesome. I could sit around and listen to this guy say “quite a lovely bitch” or “magnificent bitch” and just giggle all day. There’s also no shortage of completely insane people anthropomorphizing their dogs. And finally, dog shows are just a celebration of eugenics. We should do this with people.

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