Chris Mortensen is reporting that the Dolphins have jumped headfirst into the breathless tizzy that is HarbaughStock 2010. Owner Stephen Ross has flown out to the west coast to aggressively court Harbaugh, and is prepared to make him the HIGHEST PAID COACH IN THE NFL. Did you see how I capitalized all those letters? If you are new to the internet, that is a device for me to indicate my disbelief.
Ross is reportedly prepared to offer Harbaugh a salary in the $7M – $8M range. As a man who paid $112M to have an artificial volcano added to my personal island, I understand you have to pay for quality. But precisely what in the got-danged hell has Harbaugh done to deserve compensation on this scale?
Harbaugh has been the head football coach at Stanford for the past 4 years. Here is how they have fared under his steely gaze:
Woof. First, let’s remember that he had the benefit of having Toby Gerhart, a man amongst boys in the lame ass PAC-10, from 2007-2009. And it bears mentioning that Harbaugh did not recruit him, he was recruited by his predecessor. The 2010 record is impressive, but it was also powered by Andrew Luck being at the height of his powers. Luck is by general concensus the most talented pure passer in the college game in the last decade.
As far as I can tell, the only real thing that Harbaugh achieved was convincing a high school valedictorian from Texas to come play football for an institution with superior academics. Landing Luck was a coup, but given the circumstances not exactly John Henry vs. The Steam Engine on the accomplishment scale.
“But Vato,” I imagine you saying, “You are so impossibly handsome and right about things all the time. I envy your muscular build and classically sculpted features. But what about Harbaugh’s NFL pedigree?”
I’ve got a new drinking game for you. Turn on Sirius NFL Radio, or any local sports radio that is covering the Harbaugh situation, and drink anytime you hear the word pedigree. If you start now you will be banging a fat chick within 2 hours. It’s that bad.
Good lord the “NFL Pedigree” line of reasoning is offensively stupid. As the incomparable Speakerboxx put it, “90% of NFL behave like medieval aristocrats who believe that certain people are pre-ordained for success”. I get it, he played in the NFL and his brother is the coach. But let’s talk about his NFL Coaching Experience.
|2002||Offensive assistant coach – Oakland Raiders|
|2003||Quarterback coach – Oakland Raiders|
That’s it. That’s all there is. And everyone is absolutely falling all over themselves to back up trucks full of money for this guy to salvage their franchises. And seriously, how well does college success even translate to NFL Success? Does anyone remember the Nick Saban lesson? After Pete Carroll and the Seahawks lose by 130 pts this weekend maybe people will be a little less bullish on this.
There are PLENTLY of threshold level NFL Coaches out there who have proven they can be competitive at this level. And they won’t need $8M to take the job. All I want my coach to do is hire some good coordinators, put a basic scheme I agree with in place, and not screw up his time outs. That’s it. I feel like I could hire some guy who is pretty good at Madden to do that for like 45K a year.
So just take a deep breath, NFL Executives. I know how you love to get in an uproar over the bright, shiny new thing. But this kind of impulsive, poorly thought out decision making is the reason people do things like hire Nick Saban to coach an NFL team or get a New Jersey shaped tattoo that reads “Snooki”