Parcells parts the red sea
NA NA NA NAAAAAAAA
My cell phone started blowing up about 8:30 am today. Normally I would just grumble, throw my platinum encrusted iPhone 6GS out the window and return to my pile of willing ladies. But not today. No, today was special.
Per the unstoppable Adam Shefter, Brandon Marshall is being sent to Miami for 2010 and 2011 second round picks. My dolphins boner is also beint sent to “dangerously engorged” status.
Unbelievable move for the dolphins. Personally, I would have preferred to snag Dez Bryant in with the 12th pick, and have a shot at Dexter Mccluster, Brandon Spikes or Aaraon Hernandez with our 44th overall. However:
1) Bryant isn’t going to be around at 12, and Denver, who picks at 11, shrewdly forced our hand by inviting Bryant to their facilities yesterday
2) Brandon Marshall is a finished product, and a top 5 reciever. Bryant’s best case scenario is to be as good in 3 years as Marshall is today.
(end serious analysis subroutine)
Of course there are some err uhh caveats. As wealthy philanderer and friend of TYSOTB points CK out, Brandon Marshall has had one or two scrapes with the law in his day. And whose fault is that?
SNITCHES. That’s right, SNITCHES. The greatest threat to this nations wide recievers since Ronnie Lott.
Listen… boys will be boys. What god fearing, red blooded wide reciever doesn’t punch the occassional cop, get a couple of DUI’s every now and then, or maybe dabble in some light domestic violence? Listen, I don’t want a Jonas brother running crossing routes for my team. Brandon Marshall lives out there on the edge, where he has got to be.
So the problem isn’t that Marshall “breaks a few laws” or “generally endangers public welfare on a regular basis”. It’s that mf’ers keep diming him out! Let a brother ply his trade, WILL YOU? You don’t see Brandon Marshall ratting your white ass out for watching another Dancing With the Stars marathon with your dumpy girlfriend before getting into some heavy soulgazing. So don’t hate on my boy.
CK and I will be coordinating closely with Jeff Ireland, Cam’Ron and the Wu-Tang clan to keep snitching out of Miami so our position players can operate in peace. God bless.
