When you are a wildly successful and omnipresent blog monolith like TYSOTB, Google returns you for all kinds of different search terms. Weekly we take you behind the curtain and share our 5 favorite Google search terms that led readers to our site in the past 7 days. All terms are sic, unless noted otherwise.
It should be further emphasized that these are ACTUAL search terms that led to our sports blog. You can’t make this kind of shit up.
#5 – “Ultra Ex GFs” — First and foremost, what the hell is an ultra ex girlfriend? Is it like that horrible Uma Thurman movie where the bitch is a superhero and completely ruins some normal dude’s life because she gets all emo? The idea of this phrase scares me, mostly because I have a lot of ex girlfriends, non of whom I would like to obtain superhero status as I definitely treated them like dirt (you know the old mantra, treat them like dirt and they will stick to you like mud). If suddenly some emo chick gets bitten by a radioactive spider and can start surveilling all of the transgressions I commit against the SEC, my company would surely be under investigation very quickly.
#4 – “Kids love tits” — Just looking up to the intro image of this post, I can wholeheartedly agree with kids. I mean, who doesn’t love tits? We have been conditioned since birth to love the sight of those massive mammories, and at that ripe young age kids almost certainly are still learning to love them. I remember when I was a kid I would definitely use the innocence of my “kid status” to be able to just stare at some older chicks tits, and what a glorious time it was.
#3 – “Tom Brady coloring pages” — Odds are, some completely naive 8 year old kid from Boston was simply trying to find a coloring page of his favorite football player. Jokes on you kid, pick a better football player. I hope that once the kid read the completely factual analysis that our blog provides, he decided that Tom Brady wasn’t the kind of football player he wanted to follow anymore. I would like to believe the kid then walked up to his father and said “Tom Brady should take off his skirt!” which likely incited a huge family argument, leading the mother to take her son’s side, and then the parents getting a divorce as the incident released a lot of repressed anger that the couple was holding inside. TYSOTB: ruining New England families one search phrase at a time.
#2 – “Emergency drinking game” — Pop quiz hotshot: when you are watching a shitty Monday Night Football game with a fridge full of beer, what do you do?!? What do you do?!? You dial the 911 of MNF Drinking games: TYSOTB. This search phrase is our crowning achievement, as we have been recognized by the loyal legions of alcoholic football fans for being the 911 for drinking during shitty Monday Night games. God bless America.
#1 – “Failure when your best just isn’t good enough” — Woah, this is some deep shit right here. Our entire lives we have been coddled under the premise that “we can do whatever we put our minds to” because this is supposedly the American dream. Reality check: you’re going to fail. Millions of people can’t be NFL players, Presidents, or porn stars. Someday, there will come a point in your life where you are going to put forth your best effort, and you will simply get pwned by someone else. That’s life – deal with it. This search phrase makes me think of one of my favorite demotivators, pictured below.
