In a universally acclaimed move*, Atlanta Braves GM Frank Wren has traded Javier Vazquez to the Yankees for a sub replacement level outfielder and some prospects that are years away from even having a chance to contribute. Just to be clear, that is the Javier Vazquez who struck out 238 last year on route to a panty dropping 1.03 WHIP, making him one of the 4 or 5 most effective pitchers in baseball.
In what amounts to one of the clumsiest salary dumps in recent history, Wren has retained the more expensive, less effective pitcher in Derek Lowe, while shipping off the affordable and actually good at his job Vazquez. I know what you are thinking: “This sucks, but we will definately use that new $10M in salary flexibility to sign the big bat whose absence cost the Braves a playoff spot last year. “ WRONG BITCH!
So basically, in Bobby Cox’s final year, and in the twilight of Chipper’s career, Frank Wren has opted to move our best pitcher and not address our most glaring weakness, power hitting. Coupling this with an (formerly even more) awesome core of starters and All-World RF Jason Heyward debuting this year, it would be the perfect time to take a run at assembling a contender. Instead we will enter 2010 with a club featuring less pitching and the same dismal hitting that took us to 3rd place in 2009.
When reached for comment, Vato Loco chugged 15 oz of whiskey and shot a hole in his computer monitor.
*By Yankees Fans
#1 by Stylez G Lube on December 23, 2009 - 3:22 pm
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So you're saying you dont consider Melky Cabrera a power bat?
#2 by SpeakerBoxxx on December 23, 2009 - 3:31 pm
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i don't even consider melky cabrera a real cabrera.
#3 by VatoLoco on December 23, 2009 - 3:58 pm
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Combine this with the fact that the braves re signed CHIP CARAY after losing the totally awesome boog sciambi, and this has the makings of a long season.
And I Cabrera is barely good enough to be considered latin. But hey it's not every day you can get a light hitting outfielder with sub par defense. I don't get his value. Is he a good clubhouse guy or something? WTF WHISKEY BRING IT TO ME NOW
#4 by VatoLoco on December 23, 2009 - 3:59 pm
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MCCANN STEPS IN….SWUNG ON AND BELTED… THIS ONE IS WHALLOPED FOLKS….
(ball falls gently into shortstops glove somewhere around second base)
OH BOY HE JUST MISSED THAT ONE
—Chip Caray, circa every call he has ever made
#5 by SpeakerBoxxx on December 24, 2009 - 5:39 pm
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i remember watching magic games as a kid when chip caray was making his name (read: destroying his family's name) calling them on the sunshine work. i quote from multiple instances of every game:
"…and Anderson looks for Shaq in the post, nothing there…tosses it to Penny at the point AND HE FIRES IT OVER TO D-SCOTT!!! WHAT A PLAY BY PENNY HARDAWAY FOLKS!!!"
I knew Chip was going to have a long and distinguished career annoying the shit out of me when he would get apoplectic about a routine swing pass.