Earlier today, whilst wandering the corridors of power in our nation’s capital, I came across this intriguing little tidbit of gossip. Ex-Phoenix Suns star Kevin Johnson is engaged to marry DC Schools Chancellor Michelle Rhee. In between passing out wads of Benjamins to Senators who agreed to allow insurance companies to deny coverage to children with leukemia because having bones is a pre-existing condition, I pondered whether this was even worth a post. However, given the recent trend of high status alpha males dating well below their league, and after a brief perusal of the comment section here, I figured this was at least worth a discussion.

If only there was a sex tape…

Now, anybody that lives outside the district is unlikely to be familiar with Rhee, who is a notorious hard ass that recently fired outright 400 teachers and staffers of DC public schools, probably with good reason (DC’s student literacy rate rivals the FSU football program). Now, it’s not that I’m opposed to marriages of political convenience (is there another kind?) or even in principle to marrying an intelligent, strong woman because for some reason you manage to love her for something other than her looks (Yay Feminism!!!! For Sure!!!!!lolz). What I will take issue with is the mind-numbing stupidity of some of the afore mentioned comments. In particular, this beauty gets the award for the Most Frightening Example of Self-Delusion I’ve Ever Seen In My Entire Life:

“The article didn’t mention that KJ is a graduate of Berkeley. He is not only a great athlete, he is also really smart. Otherwise, there is no way he could have attracted Michelle Rhee’s interest.” -Independent9

Bigger score for KJ: Dunk on Hakeem, or in Michelle Rhee?

Riiiigh- hi- hiiiight. Thank you Ms. Independent, Esq. There’s absolutely no way a rich, attractive, high status ex-professional athlete turned Sacramento mayor could ever have attracted a 40 year old battle axe divorcee with two kids unless he went to a school like Berkeley. Let’s back the FantasyLand truck up here. And Rhee is not exactly Playmate of the Month material (although incredibly she would do ok in The Hill’s 50 Most Beautiful People rankings. That’s more of a comment on DC than on Rhee, however). As friend of TYSOTB NoMas put it, “Whaaat? Is she attrac…NOOOO!!!” You needed to see the recoil for the full effect.

Humanitarians that we are, we are going to use this unfortunate lapse in judgement to jump off our Matchmaker feature, where we pair up single athletes with appropriate potential mates. So here are some gratuitous photos of our pick for KJ, Jamie Chung. She’s a California girl, a talented actress, a member of the prestigious Kappa Kappa Gamma academic honorary sorority, and like Rhee, is Korean. Give her a shout, KJ. Last I heard she’s single. Oh and before you break off that engagement, see if you can use your political influence to get Agent Zero some shooting help from Dan Majerle.