(AP) The 2010 NFL Combine is in full swing in Indianapolis this week. However this may be the last “Traditional” NFL Combine for sometime.
The NFL Competition Committee, in conjunction with the Player’s Association and TYSOTB Editor Vato Loco are examing a revised, “Realistic” format for the combine going forward.
“Sure, stuff like the 40 yard dash and the Bench Press are interesting to teams. But most real football analysis can be done from a players game tape.”, Vato Loco explained, “ Problems arise when teams have ineffectively evaluated a players abilities in situations that are not tested for in the combine. The complex environment a modern athlete is forced to navigate requires a more… progressive testing.”
Some of the events that are being proposed for inclusion in 2011:
- Temptation Endurance Challenge: The recruit is placed in a room with an exotic dancer for 10 minutes. During the first 5 minutes, the athlete is charged with not sexually assaulting the dancer, who will resist his overtures. If the athlete gets past the 5 minute mark, the dancer then explains that she is both Herpes positive and in a particularly fertile time of the month. She then attempts to convince the athlete to have unprotected sex with her, with the athlete instructed to resist her advances.
- Entourage DUI Fire Drill: The athlete is positioned at the wheel of a standard sedan, with a partner in the passenger seat. When the clock starts, the athlete must change positions with the passenger as fast as possible without exiting the vehicle. The goal is to test an athletes ability to avoid DUI’s and Vehicular Manslaughters by pinning the charges on members of their entourage.
- Lineman Temptation Endurance Challenge: The lineman is placed in a room with 25 Cheeseburgers (extra delicious) for 20 minutes. He must attempt to not violate his diet by eating any of them. This event was tested on Terrence Cody on Sunday. He ate all 25 cheeseburgers in the first 30 seconds, and then ate the Combine official who came to check on his process.
- PED Wonderlic- The athlete is administered a test of his ability to avoid positive PED test results. It increases in difficulty progressively, with early questions covering avoiding basic off season testing, to more advanced Whizzinator and Urine Substitution tactics near the end.
- Groupie Abortion Scenario – This test involves an actress informing the athlete that she has been impregnated by him. The athlete must then attemp to convince her to get an abortion. Both cajoling and threats of phyisical violence are within the rules, and scouts from different organizations prefer varying methods.
- Making it Rain – Players are judged on their rain making abilities based both on time and the ability to cover great distances with said rain. More advanced players have been known to Make it Thunderstorm, with Bryant Mckinnie setting the combine record with a Making it Tsunami performance several years ago.
- All Recruits MMA Tournament- The new capstone event to the week will now be a 350+ person bracketed single elimination MMA tournament. It will be conducted with UFC rules, with no weight classes and initial matches and bracketing decided by random drawing. The winner of the tournament is given to whichever NFL team finished in last place in the previous season. The recruit is awarded a mid-first round level salary which is partly subsidized by the Players Union.
More news as this develops.